My Friend is Driving Me Crazy - What Do I Do?!
We focus on relationships at The Counseling Hub, but when we talk about relationships, we’re not specifically talking about romantic relationships or intimate partnerships. The term relationship implies relationships of any kind. And, much like with partnerships, relationships contain their own set of problems.
Here are three things you can do if you have a friendship with somebody who is currently driving you crazy (colloquially speaking).
8 Reasons Counseling is Not the Same as Friendship
This is actually a pet peeve of mine. Probably because I hear people say things like, “I’m good at telling people what to do. I’m basically a counselor,” or, “My friends always ask my advice. I pretty much do counseling.” As a counselor educator (one who trains future counselors) and counselor in private practice, I need to clarify why this is inaccurate.
*Just because it's not a friendship doesn't mean there aren't high levels of care and camaraderie in the counseling office. We very much care for our clients and sometimes wish we could be friends outside of sessions! But we can't!!
6 Myths About Counseling Every Client Needs to Know
Your counselor can read your mind.
Ha! I wish. Seriously, can you imagine a counselor with telepathy? Best. Counselor. EVER. I hate to be the one to burst your bubble, but it’s just not true. Counselors can’t read your mind. This is probably why you might think that, though
I Feel Lost With Life... I Don't Know What To Do
Feeling untethered? Unsure about where to go next, what to do with your life, and what your future holds? (Technically, nobody knows what the future holds, but that doesn’t mean we should say ‘screw it’ and completely disconnect what control we do have in our life.)
Why Am I So Anxious?!
Anxiety is a tricky fiend. It’ll sneak up on you and snatch away your joy when you least expect it. Or it lies waiting all day, just biding its time until you lay down for bed and then it starts screaming in your ear about all the ways you’ve failed, all the things you have to do, all the horrific things that could happen, all the friends who probably don’t even like you, and all the failed attempts at life you’ve had so far.
EGADS, it’s exhausting.
Antidotes to the Four Horsemen
Hallelujah, am I right?! You didn’t think that I’d leave you in the lurch, did you?!
Pfffft! C’mon now, you should know me better than that at this point!
Contempt - Horsemen 4/4
In marriage therapy terms, we see contempt as a moral superiority over one's partner. Basically, if you're contemptuous, you see yourself as better than your partner and as having the 'moral' high ground…
Stonewalling - Horsemen 3/4
And it’s on to the next one. Stonewalling, my friends. This is the third horseman of the four. This one is pretty interesting, though, in that there’s some physiology that’s at play.
This is the long and short of what happens.
Partners A and B start having a discussion with heart rates around 70 beats per minute (average). It shifts into a conflict discussion/argument/disagreement. Partner A’s heart rate jumps to 80 beats per minute the second the conversation heats up. Partner B’s heart rate has gone up to about 74.