Anxiety - Part III (Psychological)
Well, well, well... we meet again, friends. As promised, I'm going to tackle anxiety from the next angle. And for today's post, I'm going to focus on the psychological component of anxiety. More specifically, I'm talking about our cognitions. I'm not going to get into biology or genetics this time (it's coming, don't worry), but I am going to get into how our cognitions, in particular, can impact our anxiety.
As an important note, cognitions are not the be-all-end-all of anxiety. One of my biggest frustrations is my experience of many counselors believing that all anxiety can be taken care of by thinking differently. ENHHH (*airhorn*), WRONG! While this is helpful in some contexts, it's not enough in and of itself. Here's why.
Anxiety - Part II (Existential)
Alrighty, friends. This is a continuation of the first part in a series of posts on anxiety. Each post covers one distinct aspect of anxiety (existential, biological and genetic, evolutionary, psychological, and behavioral) and all aspects can comprise your (or anybody's) experience with anxiety. Although some might be more relevant than others. The purpose of this isn't to tell you how to 'cure' your anxiety and it's not a magic fix; the purpose is to think about anxiety in a different way.
I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it. Lots of counselors that I know think of anxiety as purely a psychological problem. That is, they believe anxiety is a result of your thoughts... and that's about it. My take is that there are many more pieces to the puzzle (see the list above of all the different aspects). When we start to understand all these aspects and see how they influence and/or show up in our own lives and in our experience of anxiety, then we can start moving forward in an effective and efficient way in managing and living with our anxiety.
Anxiety - Part I (Existential)
This may be my favorite series of posts EVER.
First and foremost, I love anxiety. To experience it can be hell (and that's putting it mildly), but I love to talk about it with clients because a) it normalizes what they're going through, and b) it de-stigmatizes anxiety. Both of which are wins.
Secondly, this is a multi-part blog. Anxiety is a lot. There are many ways of looking at it and understanding it, and I'm going to try to do it some justice by writing about it from each of those angles. For those of you who are wondering, "Um.. what angles is she talking about?" These angles: existential, biological and genetic (not the same, but will be covered at the same time because they can be confusing to understand as separate), evolutionary, psychological, and behavioral.
What Function Does It Serve?
Y'all are going to think I'm crazy, but this is way too relevant to not share.
Okay - so most of us want to figure out what our problems are so that we can change them right away, so that we can fix them and be done with it. I mean, people come into therapy and counseling specifically for that reason. They feel some level of distress (something isn't quite working in their life) and they're not quite sure what or how to "fix it."
Here's where I come in...
Why Anxiety is Rewarding
This is going to sound like the most confusing thing ever, but just hear me out.
Anxiety is rewarding.
There, I said it.
It's rewarding.
Please don't misunderstand, though. Anxiety is rewarding does not equal it's healthy to get lost in 'what if' thoughts that consume your life. It also does not equal don't give your brain time off because it likes to be worked 24/7/365.
Speak Your Truth
Tell me if this sounds familiar.
I was having a conversation the other day with a friend, and she was complaining about her husband - that he doesn't help her around the house when she's actively doing things. She'll, literally, be going from room to room, picking up laundry, cups, and toys along the way, while her husband is sitting on his phone or watching tv. When that's done, she'll start a load of dishes and laundry. By this time, her husband has asked what time dinner will be. Then she'll get angry that he's not helping, so she'll walk in the other room and tell him he sucks and that he can cook for himself. He gets angry back because he doesn't know why she's mad in the first place, he was just asking what time dinner was going to be ready and she's always been the one to cook in the family. In fact, she's the one that likes to cook!
Five Reasons to Put Yourself First
Tell me if this sounds familiar.
Annabelle is a working woman. She's got a full-time job that she loves, a partner that she loves, and great friends. She balances her time doing extra work around the office or bringing work home (trying to move up in her corporation), being with her partner through outings, dinner, or relaxing (usually with work in tow), and attending get-togethers with friends, whether planned or spontaneous. With all intents and purposes, Annabelle should feel ecstatic. In her own words, "I have everything I wanted to have at this point in my life..."
(wait for it...).
Are We Even Compatible?!
Here's a question I've heard before - maybe it's even a question you've asked yourself in the heat of battle...
Is this normal or are we not actually compatible?
Then, for the icing on the cake: Shouldn't I be feeling (insert your choice of feeling word - the one that you've probably said to yourself before)?!
Well, let's talk, shall we?
First, that's a scary question at any point in a relationship. I would say especially when you've invested a certain amount of time and energy into making it work. To feel that sick thud of doubt is terrifying for many people and... it doesn't actually mean anything.